How can I help? Let’s talk this fall

My passion in ministry is multiplication, so if you are a church planter, involved in a multisite church or considering planting or multisite I’d love to connect this fall. I am doing 10 events in 9 states over the next 3 months, so I should be somewhere near you soon. Check out the events below and see if something would be helpful for you and your team.

Here is what the events look like:

Orange Tour

Hosted by Reggie Joiner and featuring speakers such as Jon Acuff, Sue Miller, Carey Nieuwhof and Jeff Henderson (and me), the Orange Tour is focused on how to impact families beyond the wall of a church. My sessions will focus on the practical aspects of planting prevailing churches.

Multiply

Multiply is hosted by the Church Multiplication Network. At each stop I’ll be leading a one day interactive workshop on the nuts and bolts of becoming a multisite church.

Exponential West

Exponential is the largest gathering of church planters on the planet. This year at Exponential West I’ll be participating in a pre-conference forum with some of the leading multisite thinkers in the country. During the conference I’ll be leading a workshop on the five questions every multisite church must answer.

Multiply Conference

The Multiply Conference is a regional conference for church planters and leaders in and around Colorado. I’ll be doing a keynote session as well as a breakout on the practical side leading a prevailing church plant.

Schedule

Sept 5             Orange Tour              Atlanta, GA
Sept 10           Multiply                      Sarasota, FL
Sept 12           Orange Tour              Minneapolis, MN

Oct 6, 7           Exponential West     Orange County, CA
Oct 9               Multiply                      Lafayette, LA
Oct 10             Orange Tour              Fairfax, VA
Oct 25             Multiply Conference Colorado Springs, CO
Oct 28             Orange Tour              Gastonia, NC

Nov 5              Multiply                      Pittsburg, PA
Nov 11            Orange Tour              Tampa, FL

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Seven Ways to Handle Compliments Without Becoming a Jerk

On the way out of our little Texas church one Sunday a man new to faith said he liked my sermon that morning. I put on my best “aw shucks” look and mumbled something about not being much a preacher but I appreciated the compliment. He stopped and said, “Pastor, can I give you some feedback? When you respond to my compliment like that it sounds like I don’t know what I’m talking about. It makes me feel foolish for saying having said anything.” I was dumbfounded. I thought I was doing a great job of playing the humble preacher, but I actually offended a man for his kindness.

I’ve thought a lot about that conversation in the years since. What is the right way to handle compliments? How do you receive the praise, affirm the giver, and credit God all while avoiding a soul shrinking addiction to flattery? If you are in any kind of public ministry I imagine you struggle with this balance as well. Here are some principles I try to remind myself of every time I receive a compliment.

Seven Ways to Handle Compliments

1. Don’t deflect the compliment

As I learned from my friend in Texas, deflecting a compliment makes the giver feel foolish. What they are saying is they thought you did a good job. That is their opinion and they are welcome to it. A simple, “Thank you, that really means a lot.” is much better than, “I’m just a tool being used by God.” (Pun intended)

2. If God has gifted then you then you should be good at it

Compliments shouldn’t go to your head. If God has truly gifted you then you should be good at what you do. If people compliment your preaching, or singing or art it is positive reflection on God. It is the same as one of Rembrandt’s students hearing he captured the style of the master.  When I receive a compliment I try to remind myself how awesome it is to be used by God.

3. Compliments (and complaints) often are more about the person than you

I recently did a message on John 20 and I shared the reasons I believe in the resurrection. I received several compliments from members of the congregation who feel we don’t spend enough time on apologetics. They weren’t complimenting my preaching, they were complimenting my choice of subject matter. Beware hidden agendas in compliments and complaints.

4. What else are they going to say?

What do you normally say to someone you just heard speak or sing?

  1. “Wow, that wasn’t very good”
  2. “Swing and a miss. You’ll get ‘em next time”
  3. “Great job!”

For all but the socially illiterate the answer is almost always C. Many compliments can be filed under “Conversation filler”.

5. Sometimes its just nice to hear a different voice

I have been the “other preacher” for most of my ministry, the guy who covers when the Senior Pastor isn’t teaching. Even though I have served with several amazing preachers, everyone likes a little variety. For those of us coming in from the bullpen a compliment often means, “You were different.” The most dangerous comment for a bullpen preacher is, “I wish they’d let you preach more.” Keep smiling, but let that one roll off your back. If you store that compliment Satan will turn it into discontentment and bitterness.

6. Don’t sweat backhanded compliments

My favorite backhanded compliment is some form of “You’re really improving” This bothered me so much early on in ministry and I’d sometimes respond with, “So you’re saying I didn’t suck as much as I usually do?” That does not lead to deep friendship. This is usually driven by #3 above. The commenter likes this topic more than the topics you’ve done in the past. A “thank you” and a smile is the best response.

7. Store the meaningful compliments

A man I deeply respect used to send me handwritten notes giving me very specific compliments on my speaking. I keep all of those notes in a file folder. I also try to keep emails telling me God used my speaking in a specific way in the sender’s life. I refer back to these notes and emails when I feel like a failure, like I’ve lost the ability to communicate.

When God speaks encouragement through someone in the audience we should cherish the compliment as a gift directly from our Father. It is not about my ability, it is about God loving me so much that he chooses to use me. I can live for weeks on a heartfelt compliment.

 

 

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The Five C’s of Mature Leaders

As what’s left of my hair turns more salt than pepper, and my dad’s face begins to appear in my mirror, I’m reflecting on what a mature leader looks like. While I love hanging out with young leaders as they navigate the unchartered waters of their ministry adventure, I am drawn more and more to seasoned veterans; men and women, still very much in the game, who’ve weathered the tough lessons of leadership. Years of leadership, however, do not necessarily lead to maturity. Some leaders become old and cynical while others become wise and hopeful. What makes the difference? Here are five marks of a mature leader?

Five “C”s of a mature leader

Courageous

King Saul’s son Jonathan knows the incredible odds against him. The enemy is a well-trained fighting machine while Israel can only muster two swords for the entire army. His father in paralyzed with fear, but Jonathan decides it is time for action. He takes the two swords and enlists his armor bearer to join him in attacking the enemy:

Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, “Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.”

1 Samuel 14:6

Inexperienced leaders often confuse courage with fearless. Fearless says “I don’t care about the consequences, I’m going to do this.” Courage says, “I understand the possible consequences, but this is the right thing to do.” Mature leaders remain courageous even though they’ve been through very difficult circumstances. They know what it is to be afraid, but they face their well-founded fears and enter the battle anyway.

Collaborative

By the time Moses‘ father-in-law showed up in the desert Moses is at the end of his rope, leading more than a million Israelites is too big a task. When Jethro suggests a more structured model Moses immediately jumps on board. Not only does he implement Jethro’s suggestion he gives him full credit for the idea in the best-selling book of all time. Moses knows the power of collaboration.

Young leaders love the idea of building what they have dreamed about. They have a vision for exactly what the new organization will look like, what the values will be, how it will function. They won’t build it alone, they will recruit other leaders to carry out their unique vision.

Mature leaders know that’s not how the world works, at least not the healthy world. A strong organization is built on the collaborative efforts of a team of leaders working on a common mission. The leader guides the team down the river, but he doesn’t choose the course alone.

Confident

Caleb is over 85 years old when he approaches Joshua to demand his allotment of land. He spent 40 years in the desert waiting for the rebellious previous generation to die and then five years fighting the inhabitants of Canaan. Now he is ready for one more battle:

I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the Lord helping me, I will drive them out just as he said.

Joshua 14:11, 12

Young leaders can be arrogant, they boast about what they think they can do based on very little evidence. Mature leaders are confident; they understand the gifts and abilities God has given them and they know how to use those gifts and abilities. They never brag, they simply state what they know to be true. When Caleb says, “I will drive them out…” it’s not an empty boast, he is standing on many years of experience.

Caring

It is fascinating to follow the Apostle Paul‘s maturing leadership through the book of Acts as well as Paul’s letters. Early in his ministry Paul rejects a young leader named Mark because he couldn’t keep up on Paul’s first missionary journey. Paul doesn’t have time to develop B and C leaders, he is on a mission from God. As Paul matures, however, he learns the value of loving and developing younger leaders. He even changes his mind about Mark and gives this instruction in his final letter to Timothy:

Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.

2 Timothy 4:11

Paul learned that leadership is much more than accomplishing a mission. Leadership is about caring for other leaders, developing them, helping them back up and getting them back in the game. As I get older I’m finding the care and feeding of younger leaders to be the most satisfying aspect of leadership.

Content

Paul writes in 1 Timothy 6 that “godliness with contentment is great gain”, but we see the opposite of this demonstrated in the life of Solomon. The wisest man to ever live never learns the simple lesson of contentment. His life is marked by a constant desire for more and in the end he dies a miserable man.

Young leaders always believe that contentment is just around the corner. When the church grows to 200, 500 or 1000. When we can hire more full-time staff. When I can make enough money so my wife doesn’t have to work. The mature leader knows, while these are all great milestones, contentment is never around the corner. If he isn’t content now he won’t be content then.

There is a difference, however, between resignation and contentment.

  • Resignation says “I’m not happy here, but why should I try to go there.”
  • Contentment says “I can be happy here, but why not try to go there?”

Paul says it best:

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:10b-13

My hope as I watch the years tick past is that I am becoming more and more of a Five C Leader. What Five C Leaders do you know?

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Five essential components of a successful leadership equation

On September 27, 1905 an obscure clerk in the Swiss Patent Office published an article that changed the world. Although few of us can explain the premise of the article we all recognize the clerk’s revolutionary equation, E = mc2. The amazing thing about Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity is both its elegant simplicity and its massive implications.

Einstein’s ability to take the complex and turn it into something simple has always intrigued me. Anyone can find complex solutions to complex situations, but finding simple (not easy) solutions to complex problems is rare. If the solution is simple enough it applies across multiple environments and bring significant change. E = mc2 changed the world.

What if we could find a simple but elegant theory of organizational leadership? There are thousands of leadership books with tens of thousands of leadership principles, and every day hundreds of blog posts adding to the cacophony. It is easy to get lost in the weeds. I wonder if there we can take basic concepts woven through the literature and create a simple but robust model? Something like Einstein’s theory of relativity or Newton’s laws of physics applied to organizational leadership.

I am certainly no Einstein, everything I know about physics I learned on Beakman’s World, but I’d like to take a stab at a simple organizational leadership equation. I’m not trying to create new leadership principles, but to synthesize what we know into a simple, replicable equation. I’d love to get your feedback and suggestions. We may not change the world, but we might end up with something useful.

Here is my first draft of an organizational leadership equation:
big leadership eqaution

Terms

Mission: What are we trying to accomplish?

I have heard mission and vision defined a hundred different ways and I always wind up confused. Most of the mission statements I’ve seen are long and don’t really say anything. I agree with Guy Kawasaki who prefers mantra over mission. Here is his definition of mantra:

Forget mission statements; they’re long, boring, and irrelevant. No one can ever remember them—much less implement them. Instead, take your meaning and make a mantra out of it. This will set your entire team on the right course. (The Art of the Start)

Some of my favorite church mission statements/mantras:

Willow Creek (back in the day) We turn unchurched people into fully devoted followers of Christ

Community Christian Church (Naperville, Illinois) We help people find their way back to God

Southeast Christian Church (Parker, Colorado) We make daily disciples

Success always begins with a compelling mission.

Values: What is important in our culture?

Core values are often another leadership cul-de-sac. One extreme is making everything a core value; a church sent me a list of 21 core values, that seems a tad too many. The other extreme is using universal catchphrases for core values. I think every church in America has authenticity on their value plaque. At the risk of contradicting what I just said here are my top five values for staff culture.

God-centered
Fun
Collaborative
Candid
Safe

A truly successful mission is executed within the values of the culture.

Results: How do we know we are accomplishing our mission?

A mission without measurements is a mirage. Measurements, however, have to go beyond the easily quantifiable. One of the biggest mistakes of the Vietnam War was confusing the daily body count with winning the war. Churches make this same mistake when they rely solely on hard counts like attendance, giving or small group participation.

The hard work of accomplishing the mission begins with learning to measure the right results.

Goals: What part of the mission does each team member own?

Dividing the mission into individual goals is where the magic happens. Great leaders help every team member see how their goals connect directly to the mission. The questions leaders continually  must ask is, “If a task, activity or job isn’t tied directly to the mission then why are doing it?”

Individual goals are where the mission is accomplished.

Accountability: How do team members know they are accomplishing their part of the mission?

Every team member, from the leader to the part-time custodian, needs to know how they are doing. Consistent, honest feedback is a major key to high performance as well as healthy morale. There is nothing more demoralizing as feeling like no one in the organization cares about what you are doing.

Accountability is why the mission is accomplished.

Putting it all together

So my simple organizational leadership equation can be abbreviated like this:

short leadership equation

The MISSION of an organization is accomplished when measurable RESULTS, divided into individual GOALS for which each team member is ACCOUNTABLE, are achieved in a culture faithful to organizational VALUES.

I’d love to hear your feedback on several questions. Does any of this make sense? What would you change? Could it be helpful in leading in an organization?

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Transitions: 10 Keys to Less Pain

Transitions are always challenging, and moving is one of the hardest things a family can do. You are saying goodbye to friends and places you love and heading into the unknown. Inadvertently I think I’m becoming an expert at making transitions; after 14 years in the same city we have managed to move three times in the past three years. If you are making a move this summer here’s some hard-earned advice on how to make it as painless as possible.

10 keys to a better transition

  1. Know its going to be uncomfortable for awhile

    A new school, a new job or a new town is always uncomfortable. It is helpful if you tell yourself in advance that things are going to feel normal, at least not at first. It will take time to make friends, learn your way around and feel like you belong. Its normal and everyone goes through it. This too shall pass.

  2. Don’t go back home too soon

    Hold off on making a return trip as long as you can. When you go back too soon the emotions of moving start all over, its like hitting the reset button. Give yourself time to really settle in into your new reality before revisiting the past.

  3. Learn to navigate without your GPS

    The longer you have to use the GPS to get to the grocery store the longer you will feel like you are just visiting. Spend some time looking at a map to understand how your new town is laid out. Try going to the store and back without directions. Listen to the traffic report and try to visualize the highways they are talking about. This sounds silly, but navigating on your own really helps you feel like you belong. After we moved to California I had to use my GPS to find my house in my own subdivision; it was a weird feeling.

  4. Find something familiar

    When you move to a new city everything seems so different, it helps to find something that feels familiar. When we first moved to  Orange County my wife would occasionally go to the local Target and just stand in the middle of the store. She said it was comforting because all Targets are laid out the same and she knew her way around. After we moved to Charleston from Houston we found a little hole in the wall Mexican restaurant that reminded us of Texas. Something familiar alleviates the feeling you’ve landed on another planet.

  5. Pick a church

    Finding a church is really hard, but it is a major part of making a successful transition. You will never find a church just like the one you left, don’t spend too long looking. Don’t simply attend your old church’s online campus; you won’t get plugged into your new community, and you’ll constantly be reminded of what you left behind. If church really is about loving God and loving others you’ll find a church that you can connect with, and over time you’ll learn to love it.

  6. Plug into a small group

    When we moved from Charleston to Orange County, California we left behind our friends, our kids and our grandchildren. It was the loneliest season of our lives. Fortunately our next door neighbors invited us to their small group the day we moved in. Although the people in the small group weren’t like the people we’d left in our group in Charleston we quickly formed new relationships. Everywhere we move plugging into a small group is a huge part of adapting to our new home.

  7. Start referring to your new city as “home”

    It is hard to feel like your new city is home. The weather, the people and the geography seem so foreign, how could this be home? A funny thing happens, however, when you hear yourself calling your new location home; your heart begins to believe it. I remember landing at the Denver airport not long after we move here and saying to myself, “I’m home.” It felt funny to say, but it helped me adjust to our new reality.

  8. Connect with others new to the city

    One of the major challenges moving to a new city is finding new friends. People who have lived there for a long time already have all the friends they need. They are like Lego blocks with no more open pegs. Look for others who are new to the city, they are looking for relationships as well. (A great resource to find new people is MeetUp.com.)

  9. Cheer for the home team

    When we moved to Charleston I hated NASCAR and I didn’t care about SEC football. My teams were the St Louis Cardinals and the Houston Rockets. I figured pretty quickly that following racing and rooting for local colleges was a great way to make new friends. Fortunately when I moved to Denver I was already a Bronco fan. You don’t have to give up old allegiances, but find local sports teams you can root for. (I know this seems silly, but it helps)

  10. Give yourself time

    People have told us that it takes two years to feel comfortable in your new surroundings. I don’t think there is a hard and fast rule, it depends on so many different circumstances. The bottom line is it takes time, and that’s ok. While you are learning to fit in spend time with God learning what he is showing you in the time in between. I have learned more about myself and grown more in my relationship with God in the itchy times of moving than any other time in my life. Transitions can be a blessing.

Some of you have moved more than I have, what did I miss? How have you learned to make good transitions?

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